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Hephaestus' Forged Letters

Pirates vs Ninja vs Science

In the last exciting installment of Blog!, Apollo answered the perennial question - who would win in a fight, pirates or ninja? And while his reasoning certainly seems sound, I thought we could put this to the test, and finally settle the question once and for all. Science Experiment!

Here I am aboard ship. Clearly, not ninja enough to conduct this experiment.


For this experiment, I have also selected a black/black skull dagger, and some black leather gloves, should martial arts be required. You will note that there are no swabbies in the picture; as a ninja, I work alone, since ninja are well known to be affected by the Inverse Square Effectiveness Law (i.e. the more of them they are, the more useless they are.) Professor Monkey is here strictly as an observer, and will not take part in any of the tests.

So, off I go, taking the experiment into the field ocean! Soon enough, I am engaged by the Witty Sailfish, an  orange sloop, containing garden variety brigand pirates.

Diagram 1: Fools! They suspect nothing!
Diagram 2: Eschewing crude, loud cannons, as a ninja should, I resolve to sidle up to my opponent stealthily, and grapple him.
Diagram 3: As it turns out, being a lone ninja, I quickly run out of sail tokens. The Witty Sailfish obligingly sidles up to me stealthily, and grapples.

As we see in Diagram 4, the pirates have had no compunction about using crude, loud cannon, and I'm starting with a row of cannon damage. Still, I am confident that this rabble is no match for my superior ninja skills!

Diagram 5: Victory! Almost. As we see in the bottom right, Loud Luana has indeed succumbed swiftly to my blade. So die (almost) all who oppose the Ninja! Unfortunately, at this point, the other five pirates mob me, and it's all over very quickly.

Conclusion: In a fight, Pirates win. Ninja work best alone, whereas the more pirates the better!  One-on-one, a ninja may have the advantage, but that never happens. Also, we can clearly see that eschewing loud, clumsy weaponry is a grave mistake. Go Pirates!

Next Week: Robots vs Zombies.


Posted by Kinocha


I hope you do an experiment next week of the Robot vs Zombies.

January 14, 2008 at 12:46 AM PST | permalink

Posted by Castawayjoe

Love it.

January 14, 2008 at 02:11 AM PST | permalink

Posted by Shannal, Midnight

This quite potentially is my favourite blog post ever.

January 15, 2008 at 12:06 AM PST | permalink

Posted by Ionakana

I actually laughed out loud!

January 15, 2008 at 04:00 AM PST | permalink

Posted by Jolyma

Now I can rest easily knowing that my pirate skills will overcome my ninja skills should I ever try sneakng up on myself and attacking.

January 15, 2008 at 05:01 AM PST | permalink

Posted by Archonis, Hunter

Wow... that's amazing...

/me vanishes in puff of smoke!

January 15, 2008 at 09:43 PM PST | permalink

Posted by Capberry

Haha, finally my question got answered. :D

January 16, 2008 at 10:04 AM PST | permalink

Posted by Trowzers

Mythbusters eat your heart out!

January 16, 2008 at 11:13 AM PST | permalink

Posted by Flutie

I lol'd

January 16, 2008 at 10:33 PM PST | permalink

Posted by boofleo

oh i want to be a ninja 2 :D great one atleast we can laugh with an OM joke =)wich doesn't happen a lot does it?!

January 19, 2008 at 04:50 PM PST | permalink

Posted by Queenofb

/e thinks ninja's are pwnsome anyways...

January 27, 2008 at 09:34 PM PST | permalink

Posted by Alyhs

lol, I will have ye know, I emailed a copy of this to me brother and he has since joined Y!PP, gained officership, and is trying to prove that a lone pirate could manage to beat an orange sloop in the same manner as ye have shown here. So far he has failed (maybe cause he doesn't have the cool black clothes...and I am not buying them for him). Thanks for another great way to get people interested in the game!

February 19, 2008 at 08:49 AM PST | permalink

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Do another blog.

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