Pirates vs Ninja vs Science

In the last exciting installment of Blog!, Apollo answered the perennial question - who would win in a fight, pirates or ninja? And while his reasoning certainly seems sound, I thought we could put this to the test, and finally settle the question once and for all. Science Experiment!

Here I am aboard ship. Clearly, not ninja enough to conduct this experiment.

Better.

For this experiment, I have also selected a black/black skull dagger, and some black leather gloves, should martial arts be required. You will note that there are no swabbies in the picture; as a ninja, I work alone, since ninja are well known to be affected by the Inverse Square Effectiveness Law (i.e. the more of them they are, the more useless they are.) Professor Monkey is here strictly as an observer, and will not take part in any of the tests.

So, off I go, taking the experiment into the field ocean! Soon enough, I am engaged by the Witty Sailfish, an  orange sloop, containing garden variety brigand pirates.

Diagram 1: Fools! They suspect nothing!
Diagram 2: Eschewing crude, loud cannons, as a ninja should, I resolve to sidle up to my opponent stealthily, and grapple him.
Diagram 3: As it turns out, being a lone ninja, I quickly run out of sail tokens. The Witty Sailfish obligingly sidles up to me stealthily, and grapples.

As we see in Diagram 4, the pirates have had no compunction about using crude, loud cannon, and I'm starting with a row of cannon damage. Still, I am confident that this rabble is no match for my superior ninja skills!

Diagram 5: Victory! Almost. As we see in the bottom right, Loud Luana has indeed succumbed swiftly to my blade. So die (almost) all who oppose the Ninja! Unfortunately, at this point, the other five pirates mob me, and it's all over very quickly.

Conclusion: In a fight, Pirates win. Ninja work best alone, whereas the more pirates the better!  One-on-one, a ninja may have the advantage, but that never happens. Also, we can clearly see that eschewing loud, clumsy weaponry is a grave mistake. Go Pirates!

Next Week: Robots vs Zombies.