Technology continues to leap forward here on the Puzzle Pirate seas. Why, it feels like only yesterday that some forward-thinking genius out there invented the top hat, and soon afterward, the felt chamber pot. Even so, it's a red letter day for us all here at Puzzle Pirates HQ as we're pleased to announce that the very first Steam Class Sloop has rolled off the production line!
Or, well... I guess it sailed off the production line. Let's not get too ahead of ourselves here.
The Steam Class Sloop is sturdily built out of only the finest and most buoyant bronze available. We asked one of the engineers exactly how this worked, but he just threw an empty rum bottle at us and called our mother something uncouth. We're going to assume this means that it's a "trade secret".
But surely you must be thinking... how does it all work? What is this strange device in the hold? Why aren't we giving you a chance to ask these questions yourself? Well, dear reader, through an advanced alchemical process known as "ocean potion locomotion", this "engine" found in the belly of the ship makes very loud noises and belches poisonous smoke. Meanwhile, alcohol, in the form of rum, is pumped from the ship's hold into the pirates crewing the vessel. This increases morale significantly, giving them the energy they need to sail the ship forward, as well as to survive the incredibly toxic smog being put out by the engine. Did we mention that the smoke was ridiculously dangerous, odorless, invisible, and has no real effect on gameplay? I feel like we forgot that part. At any rate, it's very hazardous. Don't inhale it.
Oh, it's not all ridiculously-light brass and poisonous fumes, however. The Steam Class Sloop also has all the trappings you'd expect to see in a Limited Edition ship of its caliber: a sturdy vault door sealing the captain's cabin off from the rest of the ship in not-quite-airtight comfort, the finest in bronze cannonry and fittings, and even an extraordinary automaton figurehead! While we personally feel that it's a metallic monster whose existence challenges the very notion of our humanity and what ethical lines should be drawn when pushing the limits of technology, our artists thought it was "neat".
The Steam Class Sloop is only available for the month of May, however, so speed on over to your Shipyard and buy the ship of tomorrow... TODAY!
Oh, and by the way... We've also turned top hats on for purchase for the duration of the Steam Class Sloop's availability, because frankly, if you're half as excited about this as we are, you're going to need a place to relieve yourself, and quickly.