There are precious few things we're afraid of here at Puzzle Pirates HQ: bubble wrap, running out of caffeine, movies about misfit sports teams that pull together to win the championship. The thing we're most afraid of, however, is vampires. I mean, they want to suck your blood. I need my blood! All of it! That's why we've decided to stick to good, clean ship themes this month, so what better way to celebrate heading back to school than with the Math Class Sloop!
Wait a moment. I'm being told that the Math Class Sloop isn't a real thing, and instead this month's ship is the... Vampire Class Sloop? OK, that's cruel, guys. Not cool. You know I just got comfortable enough to not run away screaming whenever I see someone sneeze into their sleeve.
You know what? I'm done. Someone else can describe this month's ship. I'm going to go hide under my bed.
Ar! - an' good riddance to ye Hermes, ye lily-livered lubber!
All right mates, strike yer deadlights on that figurehead. She looks a right thirsty flittermouse out on her nightly hunt, and she don't look the type what hunts bugs and the like. So, what do ye suppose she's huntin' for? I'll give ye a hint: it be red, most folks think their's be precious, and it ain't no plundered rubies that I be speakin' of! In any case, I've no doubt in me mind that yer guano love it! HAR HAAR!
Now here be the lovely Rowan standing on the deck o' her new Vampire Sloop. Lucky lass! Word 'round the shipyards be that some fancy-pants blue-blooded bloodsucker designed this vessel hisself, and I believe it too! Just look at them dark colours an' blood red accents, not to mention the fancy bits what reminds ye o' the olde castles them blokes be known for. Vampires may be guilty of a lot, but theys never been guilty o' bein' unstylish, and this vessel be dressed to kill!
An' what's this, Rowan me lass?! Well blast me cross-eyed an' call me a codfish! It looks like there be a resident revenant on board! Well me darlin', he looks a nice enough lad, but I hope havin' him 'round won't end up bein' a pain in the neck - HAR HAAAR!
Ah, now ain't Mr. Nickydeemus a fine, fanged fellow to be showin' ye around the place, Miss Rowan? Seein' as how ye're to be shipmates and all.
An' what a stately place it is too, most others pale in comparison - HAR HAAR! Thar be fancy candelabras what can make the room a relaxing deep red, an' there be more of 'em 'round the ship, says he. An' that's quite a regal looking throne me dear, the perfect perch for sittin' and plannin' yer next pillage while sippin' that...uh...wine? Ye might want to be stockin' yer own drink there me lass.
A fine hold she has too, an' no mistake. Refined and genteel with just enough touch o' the grim to keep us feelin' properly piratey (we do have our fearsome reputations to protect after all). Aye Mr. Nix, thar be a fine grand old bookcase, don't ye agree Miss Row - what's that? Pullin' that book does what now?
Blimey! Yer a naughty ol' nosferatu Mr. Nix, with yer wee secret crypt!
Well Miss Rowan, I suppose this explains where yer new shipmate bunks down. But by me beard, it seems a fine secret hold for treasure as well, an' what pirate doesn't want that? Also, upon reflection - or lack thereof in yer case mate - it also occurs to me that she'll always have herself a keen-eyed night's watch with ye aboardship, Mr. Nix! We all know there be a lot at stake when ye take to piracy on the high seas. But when ye've a fine ship like this, it's nice to know ye ain't been pillagin' in vein! HAR HAAR HAAAR!
Mates, ye too can fly across the midnight seas an' drain the loot from yer victims in a ship like this. But The Vampire Class Sloop is only available for the month of September, so be sure to creep down to yer local shipyard and bite at this offer while it's still livin'. And may she forever sail the moonlit seas!